What will I do?

Dave's away for the weekend - down visiting his sister. I'm missing him loads, but earlier today things got a little out of hand. For some reason - and I don't really know why - I had a bit of a panic about what I would do if I went into labour while he's away. At this stage - now 33 weeks - I'd have to go into hospital, and the thought of doing that without him is quite scary. So then I thought "OK I'd phone my Mum." But it would take her at least 1 1/2 hours to get here - probably nearer 2. And that's a long time! So then I thought "Maybe Mel would come with me." But she's not well. Who else would I want with me? No-one is the real answer. Help!!! I even got as far as thinking about the best way for Dave to get back up from Guildford - he hasn't got the car down there. 4 hours by train would probably be the quickest, but again that's a long time.

I know it's irrational - there's nothing to indicate that labour is going to start. But I think my hormones and imagination are getting the better of me!

Woohoo!!

Have just been to my midwife appointment and am feeling happy! There was no real discussion, just "You've been to see Dr W, haven't you? OK, I'll book the home birth and pool for you." None of the previous mutterings about it having to be an informed choice, and that someone would have to come to the house to discuss it all with me. She's obviously realised that I am informed, that I'm not stupid etc.

So, it's all booked. She phoned the office while I was there, so I know it's done. She was going to give me the bag of stuff today - obviously not many other home births planned - but then decided that she didn't need to and she could bring it round with the drugs once I'd decided about physiological/active third stage and Vitamin K. She asked if I'd got my birth plan written yet - so has obviously realised that I'm quite organised about this and am likely to know what I want! - and suggested I write it before my next appointment in a couple of weeks time.

Bubble is head down, which is great. But back to back, which is not ideal. She confirmed my suspicions that it's the feet that keep squirming under my ribs. So now we just need to persuade the little one that it would be more comfortable with it's back away from mine! Lots of scrubbing of floors for me!

So, I'm happy. Am feeling a whole lot better about it. Feel as though people are listening to me. And that gives me a boost. Big smiles all round!

Active Birth Workshop

Friday saw Dave and I go to an Active Birth Workshop, run by my yoga teacher who's trained with the Active Birth Centre in London. It was a really good few hours and we learned a lot - with an obvious bias on the natural birth process, but that's good because that's what we want. I think Dave got some confidence about positions, massage etc. and how he can help - he knows to get me to relax jaw, hands and shoulders between contractions, and has been told to make sure I go to the loo and eat enough during labour! We got chance to try out different positions that may be helpful, and bought a birthing ball which hopefully will get plenty of use. It's also left us with things to think about as well - ides of what we need to get hold of for possible use during labour (water spray, small fan, plenty of cushions and pillows and some plastic sheeting) and decisions to make (active or physiological management of third stage, birth plan).

There were only two other couples at the workshop, and it was good to talk to people who obviously have the same sort of ideas as us about it. Some comments we've had - particularly about the issue of home v hospital - have not been particularly helpful: "You're so brave", "It's a lot to take on", "What happens if something goes wrong?".  So it was good to talk to people who are positive about the whole thing. And it's made us more confident about it all, so hopefully the midwife appointment on Tuesday should be easier to handle - I'm ready to ask for a referral to another midwife if I still feel she's being unsupportive of our wishes. But that another blog entry altogether, and it can wait until after the appointment.

The nursery looks lovely!

With help from Dave's Mum & bloke, the nursery is now painted and looks lovely. The combination of orange, yellow and green may not sound the best, but it's gorgeous, and I'm sure Bubble will love it. The jungle border and stickers finish it off nicely. Most of the furniture is in - we're just waiting for a delivery of a nursing chair from John Lewis - and then all it needs is curtains and bedding. Bubble's even got his very own photo of Daisy!

It's a bit illogical that we've painted the nursery before the playroom, when the playroom is likely to be used first, but never mind. The playroom is next on the list!

Missing brain cells!

It's amazing just how much pregnancy affects the brain! I always thought people made it up. Ha, how wrong was I!

Shredding prescriptions that haven't been dispensed. Writing on a white board with a permanent marker (at least the maths was right!). Getting half way through a sentence and totally forgetting what I wanted to say. The list goes on and on!

Dave thinks it's hilarious!

My doctor supports me.

I went to see my GP, Dr W, this morning about home birth. I know I don't need her "permission" but her support was important to me. She admitted that she's not really in favour of home births, and for her she would want everything possible - drugged up etc - but accepted that I'm not stupid, have done the research and have made a informed decision and so supports me. And that's all I really want from her - I know she has nothing practical to do with it, but just knowing that there is someone in the medical profession who respects my decision makes me feel a whole lot better. Dr W is going to speak to my midwife, CF, about our chat and pass on her support, and has advised me to ask CF for a referral to a midwife colleague if she's not happy to support me. So I think I will go to my appointment with CF in a couple of weeks time - I was thinking of just phoning her and telling her that I wasn't going because I'd lost trust in her - and see what she says. But I'm prepared to ask for another midwife if that's what's going to be needed to get the practical support.

Proper names for Bubble

We've had plenty of discussions about it, and still can't decide, but here's a list of names we're considering. They're in alphabetical order, not preference, so as not to give you any more clues! And these are just the first names - it's likely to have a family middle name.

Boys: Aidan, Elliott, Flynn, Hugo, Isaac, Jacob, Kai, Magnus, Marcus, Nicholas, Robert, Seth, Theo, William

Girls: Bethan, Bridget, Ellen, Eloise, Emma, Faye, Georgina, Hannah, Imogen, Jana, Juliet, Kaitlyn, Kiera, Kirstin, Kristin, Lauren, Niamh, Siobhan, Tamsin, Zara

NCT antenatal classes

I've just got an email with an invitation to antenatal classes. I wasn't sure we were going to be able to get on one, as we'd been told they were fully booked. To be honest, I've learned a lot from the discussions at yoga class, and we're going to an active birth workshop next Friday, so I wasn't panicking too much, but its a bonus that we've got on an NCT class, even if it's only so we can meet other people. I think it might give Dave some information and more confidence as well. It's four evenings during February, finishing about 10 days before Bubble is due, so let's hope he doesn't decide to make too early an arrival!

Spending money at last

We've now started spending money for Bubble. We went over to the biggest Mothercare in the region yesterday to investigate the various things we still require for Bubble: Push-chair/buggy, Car seat, cot mattress, etc etc.

Having spent a couple of hours trying various combinations of car seats/bases (including a seat that was supposed to be suitable from birth to approx 4yrs, but that didn't fit our car) and pushing a number of sets of wheels round the store, we settled on their basic 3-wheeler push chair, a spring-interior cot mattress and the car seat that fitted most securely in our car. These have been ordered, and will be delivered during mid-February, hopefully about 3 weeks before Bubble makes his entrance into this world in his own right!

Christmas

Well, the nativity service at church went well (next year it'll be Bubble causing chaos!), all the presents are wrapped and the cards have been posted. So now it's the last minute packing before we head off.

People keep saying that we should enjoy this Christmas - it'll never be the same again. Do they think we don't realise?! I can't believe it's only 11 weeks until D-day - that sounds scarily close to me - and I'm sure the time will fly by once Christmas and New Year are over.

So, to all who read this, have a great Christmas (with or without the chaos of kids) and I wish you all the best for 2008.

On a more positive note...

...I went to the osteopath again yesterday and she said that I'm doing really well, my pelvis is straightening nicely (I certainly don't have the pain I had) and I don't need to go and see her again until February.

...one of the younger kids at church on Sunday said to her Mum "Is Charlotte having a baby?" - which I figure means that I must be really looking pregnant now, if a 7-year-old has noticed.

...I had a good night's sleep last night - the first for a while, as I've been waking up fairly regularly through the nights - so am feeling less sleepy today.

I just don't understand

Can someone explain to me how encouraging me to go into hospital for Bubble's birth will help with anxiety, when the only thing that I am anxious about regarding the birth is it becoming an unnecessarily medical procedure in hospital?

After I'd spoken to WD I phone the midwife's office to book a birthing pool - which she'd said I should do if that was what I wanted. But the office said they couldn't book it because my midwife, CF, hadn't told them of my plans for a home birth. Anyway, after thinking that CF was on holiday, I spoke to her today (apparently she doesn't go on holiday until Wed) about it. She said that in her monthly meeting with the doctors, Dr W (who was really supportive etc all the way through my depression) had been surprised that I want a home birth and CF told me I'd have to speak to Dr W about it, because of my history of anxiety. Whether CF would have given me this news had I not contacted her I don't know, but somehow I think she would have left it until I see her in the second week on January, thereby causing more delay and heel-dragging.
What I don't understand - and if someone can explain then please help - is how not supporting me in my decision for home birth will help with anxiety that is only there when I think about going into hospital for no reason. Surely if I feel that I would be happier, more secure and more relaxed at home, then they should be encouraging this.

I'm rapidly losing trust in CF - I don't feel supported by her, she's not listening to me, and I don't know whether I want to see her again if she's going to make me feel like this.

I've made an appointment to see Dr W in the new year - before my next appointment with CF (if I go to that) so we'll see what happens. Keep watching...

Home birth option

Every time I've been to the midwife (CF) I've said that I want a home birth and she doesn't seem to have been too enthusiastic about it - almost brushing my comments to one side and telling me we'll talk about it later, without writing anything in my notes. This Tuesday I again broached the subject and finally got a reaction, and a documentation in my notes. But it wasn't exactly a response that filled me with confidence - "I will support your decision, but it is hard and it's your first pregnancy and..." - and it left me feeling a bit worried that I would have to fight for what I want, and I definitely don't want that.

But I've just had a long chat with the midwife in charge of home births in the city (WD) (my yoga teacher gave me her number) and am feeling a whole load better about it. She reassured me that I wouldn't have to fight, that home births are being encouraged and that first-pregnancy is certainly not a reason not to go for it. WD works in the south of the city, but there's a new midwife starting in the new year who'll be her counterpart for the north - if I'm still having problems she'll put me in touch with her if I want to. She also said that it might be that CF is just not used to encouraging home births, as it's a relatively new thing on the "agenda" - WD offered to come and discuss everything (birth plan etc) with me and CF if we wanted her to and if it would help us both to feel happier about it.
I know that things may happen and I may have to transfer to hospital, but I only want to do that if I have to for medical reasons, not just because. I want everything to be as natural as possible, in an environment that I know and that I'm comfortable in, and for me, a home birth offers that.

Just relax!

Bubble's fine! It was such a relief to hear the heart beat, good and strong.

Diagnosis - I'm worked up ad stressed. I think the last two weeks - sickness bug, migraine, Dave still not having a job etc - have been a bit too much. And if I'm stressed then Bubble doesn't move as much. So the prescription - chill out, take a bath and relax!

A sleepy baby or something else?

Bubble hasn't been active since the weekend. No movements at all really. It hadn't really worried me, but last night and this morning I've had pains (aching muscle type pain at the sides of my ribs), and now I don't know. For the last few weeks Bubbles been really active - to the point where it was bugging me - and so this is away from the norm for me and Bubble. I just don't know what to think. Is he just having a rest and chilling out after all the activity over the last few weeks, or is there something wrong?

I've got a midwife appointment this afternoon anyway, so Dave's leaving work early to come as well for moral support. Hopefully everything will be OK, but I just don't know what to think. If something is going wrong - and I might be over-stressing too much here - then I just hope that Bubble has a fighting chance. That's all I can pray for.