Christmas

Well, the nativity service at church went well (next year it'll be Bubble causing chaos!), all the presents are wrapped and the cards have been posted. So now it's the last minute packing before we head off.

People keep saying that we should enjoy this Christmas - it'll never be the same again. Do they think we don't realise?! I can't believe it's only 11 weeks until D-day - that sounds scarily close to me - and I'm sure the time will fly by once Christmas and New Year are over.

So, to all who read this, have a great Christmas (with or without the chaos of kids) and I wish you all the best for 2008.

On a more positive note...

...I went to the osteopath again yesterday and she said that I'm doing really well, my pelvis is straightening nicely (I certainly don't have the pain I had) and I don't need to go and see her again until February.

...one of the younger kids at church on Sunday said to her Mum "Is Charlotte having a baby?" - which I figure means that I must be really looking pregnant now, if a 7-year-old has noticed.

...I had a good night's sleep last night - the first for a while, as I've been waking up fairly regularly through the nights - so am feeling less sleepy today.

I just don't understand

Can someone explain to me how encouraging me to go into hospital for Bubble's birth will help with anxiety, when the only thing that I am anxious about regarding the birth is it becoming an unnecessarily medical procedure in hospital?

After I'd spoken to WD I phone the midwife's office to book a birthing pool - which she'd said I should do if that was what I wanted. But the office said they couldn't book it because my midwife, CF, hadn't told them of my plans for a home birth. Anyway, after thinking that CF was on holiday, I spoke to her today (apparently she doesn't go on holiday until Wed) about it. She said that in her monthly meeting with the doctors, Dr W (who was really supportive etc all the way through my depression) had been surprised that I want a home birth and CF told me I'd have to speak to Dr W about it, because of my history of anxiety. Whether CF would have given me this news had I not contacted her I don't know, but somehow I think she would have left it until I see her in the second week on January, thereby causing more delay and heel-dragging.
What I don't understand - and if someone can explain then please help - is how not supporting me in my decision for home birth will help with anxiety that is only there when I think about going into hospital for no reason. Surely if I feel that I would be happier, more secure and more relaxed at home, then they should be encouraging this.

I'm rapidly losing trust in CF - I don't feel supported by her, she's not listening to me, and I don't know whether I want to see her again if she's going to make me feel like this.

I've made an appointment to see Dr W in the new year - before my next appointment with CF (if I go to that) so we'll see what happens. Keep watching...

Home birth option

Every time I've been to the midwife (CF) I've said that I want a home birth and she doesn't seem to have been too enthusiastic about it - almost brushing my comments to one side and telling me we'll talk about it later, without writing anything in my notes. This Tuesday I again broached the subject and finally got a reaction, and a documentation in my notes. But it wasn't exactly a response that filled me with confidence - "I will support your decision, but it is hard and it's your first pregnancy and..." - and it left me feeling a bit worried that I would have to fight for what I want, and I definitely don't want that.

But I've just had a long chat with the midwife in charge of home births in the city (WD) (my yoga teacher gave me her number) and am feeling a whole load better about it. She reassured me that I wouldn't have to fight, that home births are being encouraged and that first-pregnancy is certainly not a reason not to go for it. WD works in the south of the city, but there's a new midwife starting in the new year who'll be her counterpart for the north - if I'm still having problems she'll put me in touch with her if I want to. She also said that it might be that CF is just not used to encouraging home births, as it's a relatively new thing on the "agenda" - WD offered to come and discuss everything (birth plan etc) with me and CF if we wanted her to and if it would help us both to feel happier about it.
I know that things may happen and I may have to transfer to hospital, but I only want to do that if I have to for medical reasons, not just because. I want everything to be as natural as possible, in an environment that I know and that I'm comfortable in, and for me, a home birth offers that.

Just relax!

Bubble's fine! It was such a relief to hear the heart beat, good and strong.

Diagnosis - I'm worked up ad stressed. I think the last two weeks - sickness bug, migraine, Dave still not having a job etc - have been a bit too much. And if I'm stressed then Bubble doesn't move as much. So the prescription - chill out, take a bath and relax!

A sleepy baby or something else?

Bubble hasn't been active since the weekend. No movements at all really. It hadn't really worried me, but last night and this morning I've had pains (aching muscle type pain at the sides of my ribs), and now I don't know. For the last few weeks Bubbles been really active - to the point where it was bugging me - and so this is away from the norm for me and Bubble. I just don't know what to think. Is he just having a rest and chilling out after all the activity over the last few weeks, or is there something wrong?

I've got a midwife appointment this afternoon anyway, so Dave's leaving work early to come as well for moral support. Hopefully everything will be OK, but I just don't know what to think. If something is going wrong - and I might be over-stressing too much here - then I just hope that Bubble has a fighting chance. That's all I can pray for.

Boy or girl?

So many people have asked me if I know what we're having. I'm fed up with answering "a baby", and so thought I'd see what theories the internet would come up with. For the past couple of weeks, I've been calling Bubble "he", but am not really sure why. But according to this link, it could be anything, including an asexual being!

Evidence for it being a boy:

• I am craving salty or sour foods
• I am craving protein -- meats and cheese
• Dave is gaining weight, right along with me
• I am having headaches
• I've added my age at the time of conception and the number for the month I conceived and the sum is an even number

Evidence for it being a girl:

• I had morning sickness early in pregnancy
• My left breast is larger than my right breast
• I am craving sweets
• I am craving fruit
• I crave orange juice (see the pattern - I'm just craving food!)

Evidence for it being an asexual being:

• I hang my wedding ring over my belly and it doesn't move!
• My pillow faces neither north nor south when I sleep

Oh how we laughed!!!

Any more theories? Oh well, what will be, will be! I'm just happy to be having a baby!

Water baby?

Today, I braved the swimming costume horror and managed a few lengths
of the local pool. My osteopath told me it would be good for me -
something I really knew, but hadn't done anything about. Before I went
my belly had been feeling sore and heavy, but I'm feeling a lot better
now. Bubble seems to like it too, as he has been quite chilled and
quiet since. The plan is to try and go twice a week - there's suitable
adult-only sessions on Monday evenings and Friday lunchtimes. It can
only be good for me and help me get a bit fitter.

Not the best couple weeks...

It start a week past Monday. Dave had had a stomach bug over the
weekend, but I thought I'd got away without catching it. Ha, what was
I thinking! At work on Monday morning I suddenly felt really rough -
stomach pains and nausea. The locum coordinator managed to get me
emergency cover, and I got home early afternoon. I was only physically
sick once (as Dave had been) on Monday evening, and didn't have any
diarrhoea (which Dave had had), but didn't really feel great until
Wednesday.

Then this Monday I had a little accident at work. I stood on a
kick-stool to reach some tablets down off a shelf, and as I was
stepping off again took a bit of a tumble - not surprising when I
later found out that the kick-stool had been broken. I landed on my
feet and didn't bang anything, but jarred my back and gave myself a
bit of a shock. Went to see the GP on Tuesday morning, having already
felt Bubble move, so not being too concerned. Se confirmed it was
muscular a told me just to rest, but not much so that I seized up!

Luckily I was already going to the osteopath on Tuesday afternoon, so
she did some work with me to loosen things up and straighten the
kinks, and my back - and hips/pelvis - are feeling a lot better now.
Back again in a couple of weeks for more work, but things are moving
in the right direction - including my pelvis which the osteopath
confirmed is straighter than it was.

But that's not the end of the bad fortnight. Not long before shop
closing time yesterday, my head felt not-quite-right ad then the
horrible blurred spot in the eye started. I knew straight away - a
migraine. I haven't had one for about 18 months, so thought those days
were behind me. But this one was a bad one. Dave managed to get a lift
across to bring me home, by which time the blurred vision had gone and
the headache had started in earnest. Feeling like my head was going to
burst and that I might throw up it I moved too much, I went straight
to bed. A fairly restless night and my head was still banging this
morning, so no work for me again. I'm feeling a bit better now - at
least I can emerge out of the darkened room, without cringing away
from the light - but my head is still fairly bad. With only really
being able to take paracetamol, I'm realising how much the triptans
eased the symptoms. I'm just a bit worried now that this is the start
of a whole load again, but fingers crossed that it's just a blip.